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Samantha Elise Landry
What are ten things that no one knows about you, and that you will not willingly tell anyone about?


1. Once when I was a little girl my uncle Simon came into my room and crawled into my bed. He laid there barely touching me for hours. I was so scared his hand would just ghost over my skin. I could feel him hard against my leg but besides being right there he didn't touch me and I never told anyone. It never happened again. He never had any kids of his own and I hope he never went beyond that. God, I hope not.

2. I almost said no at the alter in Vegas. I was standing there with a guy I was (still am) completely in love with but I was scared shitless and everything was happening so fast. I almost ran. I'm glad I didn't.

3. I used to resent my mother more than anyone else in the world.

4. I am jealous of Veronica Mars. I barely know her but I know what she used to mean to my husband and it scares me. I trust him.

5. I've been approached by a hundred magazines to tell all about my whirlwind romance with Logan Echolls.

6. Getting back to Neptune is going to be scary too. Having Duncan along and all the baggage that goes with that. His memory loss and how lost it makes Logan feel even though he won't say it. Not to mention Duncan's daughter being missing and all the trouble he's going to be in with the FBI and pretty much everyone. He doesn't even remember those things he did.

7. I love my father more than I hate him.

8. I'm sick. There's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is but there are so many other things going on that I cannot deal with it right now. I just can't. So if I don't start feeling better soon I'm going to go to the doctor. It's probably just a bug anyway.

9. I went on a date with Mercer a few months before he raped me.

10. Sometimes when I'm dancing it's like the world goes away and there is nothing there that could harm me. There's nothing that could touch me while I'm in that place. Tattooing helped me with that but it was never really a replacement. Since I met Logan, I've felt inspired again.

Muse | Samantha Landry
Fandom | Veronica Mars (OC)
Word Count | 391
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
Four


She's almost said "I love you" four times in the last week. Her voice has gotten stuck in her throat every damn time and she can't stand it; that fear. It's not as if they don't both know. They know. Since that night when they were on the road. When everything existed in this little bubble. She said it then, he said it then but since then there's been nothing. Nothing for either of them. The bubble broke and they're fine but the words just get stuck in her throat when the bubble isn't there to keep them in.


One

Her body coils and lifts, tenses and releases. She falls back on the floor and her breathing is so heavy she feels like she might die. She loves this feeling. Exhilarating. The way her body drifts and sifts along to the music and she just nails it. She's good in these moments. She's the fucking best.

Claps ring out and she looks up to see Logan leaning against the wall across the room. She doesn't know how long he's been there watching her. It's different when he watches her than when anyone else does. She feels nervous and just a little bit hotter. She doesn't move from the floor but smiles at him. Pulling her legs out from under her she lays flat.

"You know I think I can get into dancing. Watching it I mean. Well watching you," He says and grins wide.

She laughs lightly, "So when I ask you to go to the ballet with me?"

He makes a face and she laughs again. Lifting her arms he gets the picture and helps her up. He pulls her towards him and wraps his arms around her.

"I'm all sweaty," she says raising a brow.

"I've been close to you all sweaty before," He says, innuendo obvious.

She smacks him lightly and he leans in to kiss her softly. The words are on the tip of her tongue when he pulls back and looks at her. He looks at her the way no one else ever has. God. She can barely stand the way it makes her feel. It's amazing and painful and just, she loves him.


Two

"Do you want Chinese?" She asks him from the foot of his bed.

He's typing away on his computer (ass website, whatever) madly at the head of the bed and barely looks up. She watches him for a long time before her stomach rumbles again.

"Logan," She calls a little louder.

He looks up and her breath catches. Tip of her tongue when he looks at her, all attention focused and meeting her eyes with his. God.

"I ... Chow Mein or Sweet and Sour Chicken?"

Talk about Chicken.


Three

She misses the damn bubble. Especially when Regina shows up at Logans (because Sam spends too much time with him oh my god what about your sister) and complains that Dick Casabalancas keeps asking her to marry him.

Sam wants to ignore her sister and stay in her mini-bubble in Logan's house with him and his arms around her and pizza. Not to mention Fight Club, the Office and Battlestar Galactica. They need to watch the extended cut of Razor.

But Regina insists that she needs Logan's advice to get Dick off her back.

Logan actually gives her good advice even though he knows Dick's not going to back down. He tells Regina to stop reacting to him. That Dick probably won't stop but maybe he'll stop being extremely annoying if she just stops reacting to him.

"Like a bug, ignore him long enough and he'll go away or you won't notice him anymore," He says to her.

Sam laughs. She knows Logan's best friend is long gone, away with his baby and part of Logan she'll never see but Dick's a close second to he who will not be named.

After Reggie leaves she leans back in his arms and it's right there. It was right there when he was treating her sister with respect and trying to help. It was right there from the beginning when he'd bring her coffee and make her stop wallowing in her father's disappointment.

Her dad's dead now and Logan's there with strong arms.

"Logan ..." She starts softly.

"Yeah?" He asks.

Her throat closes up and she closes her eyes. "We should watch Bones."

He laughs lightly and tightens his arms around her.


Four

He knows she feels it because she's said it before. So has he but she wants him to know. When he surprises her with surprisingly modestly priced jewelry by laying it on her neck when she's asleep and then laying down pretending to be asleep himself when she wakes up to find a single diamond heart necklace on her clavicle.

When he rubs her feet after a long day and watches her dance with rapt attention not because he likes dance but because he can't stop watching her.

When he goes with her to her fathers grave and allows her crazy mother to talk to him for hours on the phone when he has other stuff he'd probably rather be doing.

When he hangs up the phone and grins at her.

"So you were snow white in a dance recital?"

She groans. "You're never talking to my mother again!"

"I think I'll be talking to your mom a lot for a long time," He says with a smirk and a sparkle in his eye.

"I ..." She can't say it.

"I know," He says and leans in to kiss her.


Muse | Samantha Landry
Fandom | Veronica Mars [Original Character]
Word Count | 932
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
Wrath

When she walks into the beach house with her coffee in hand she rolls her eyes at Logan’s selection of music – her husband was so cliché sometimes. It’s not until she’s walking into the living room to see a push/pull of a girl half over Logan’s lap that she drops her plastic coffee mug and the moment seems to freeze. The thud and splash of coffee across the hard wood gets their attention.

“SAM!” Logan calls but she’s already turned on her heal and heading back out the door.

She’s outside before he catches up with her and she hadn’t realized she’d started crying. The tears are slow and quiet and she doesn’t bother to wipe them away when he grabs her arm.

“It wasn’t what it looked like,” he tells her, his eyes pleading.

“You should really come up with new lines,” she responds dejected but angry.

“Sam, come on. I’m a lot of things but a cheater isn’t one of them. I know what it feels like when someone does that,” she won’t meet his eyes now.

“Great, so you know how I’m feeling right now. That’s awesome. Can I go?”

His grip on her arm tightens like he’s afraid she’ll slip away and she’s pretty sure she just did.

“Sam, if I wanted to have random sex with random girls I wouldn’t have married you and I love being married to you. Please. Just look at me. We were studying and she came on to me. I was pushing her away. Please,” he’s still pleading and her resolve weakens only slightly.

“Let go of me Logan.”

“I know you have trust issues okay. I know that but trust me here. Believe in me. I love you,” she can hear his eyes slide shut.

And damn he’s making this hard. He’s making it impossible because she’s starting to believe him even though her eyes told her she shouldn’t. The push/pull is replaying in her mind and she can’t decide if there was more push or pull.

It’s the click click click of too-tall heals that bring the anger back.

“Are we going to finish this or what?” The blonde girl asks with her head cocked to the side.

Logan sighs and rubs his face but before he can turn to the girl to say anything Sam has pushed past him and gotten into the girls face.

“I think you should take your skanky ass home before I kick your ass for even thinking about touching my husband,” she seethes.

“You don’t scare me bitch,” the girl says.

“I can perform every part in swan lake three times over on point without flinching. You might want to walk away now. Just try me. I’m pissed off enough right now to break your fucking face.”

The girl stares at Sam for a moment and then walks away.

Sam walks back into the beach house, Logan’s footstep sound behind her and she lets out a shaky breath when she finally stops in the foyer.

“I love you too,” she says before she heads to the master bathroom and locks herself inside.

Muse: Samantha Landry
Fandom: Veronica Mars [OC]
Word Count: 520
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
What makes your life complicated?

[Locked from Logan]

I'm in love with my husband.

That doesn't sound too complicated, I know, but when I haven't actually said the words it is. Neither of us has said the words. We've known each other less than a year, been married three months now and things are good. Too good, generally speaking. I love him. I'm not sure when it happened. The first day when I branded him, the first bad date, the fourth. I really couldn't tell you when I fell in love with him but I did.

The sex was surprising. Not because it was good but because I didn't freak out. Because I didn't move away. I knew he'd never hurt me and I'm not sure how I knew that.

It's complicated because we said vows before we said 'I love you' and sometimes he looks at me and I'm sure he must. He puts up with me and my damaged little girl-self with daddy issues and I put up with him and his own daddy issues and damages. But sometimes I'm not sure. Sometimes I hear stories, stories I don't put any credence in really. I do believe people can change. And I think our mistakes and damages make us who we are. Complicated and broken people who are just trying to feel a little bit more whole by whatever means necessary. But the stories make me think. I am human and I see the way people look at him. I see the way girls like to flock to him if it's his looks, that weird charm or his money I'm not always sure but there's always some girl around.

It's not as if I really believe he's going to cheat on me. I don't. I think he can be enough of an asshole sometimes but if he wants to not be with me he wouldn't be; that I'm sure of (I just am not sure if that means its love). People make mistakes though and I wonder if I'm the mistake or the solution. I wonder if one day the lack of history and the novelty is going to wear off and it's scary.

I've never been a completely secure person. I've never been one of those girls who doesn't question when someone is interested in her. I'm damaged goods.

And I'm in love with my husband. Desperately. Miserably. Completely. Totally. IN. LOVE. So if or when, I don't know, he decides that this was just one final rebellion or mistake. Maybe for him it's the fascination with the fact that I branded him with my own pain. Literally, the tattoo I etched into his skin was a sketch born out of my pathos about my rape. An avenging Angel.

He still hasn't seen me dance (not since the first time). I won't let him. Probably because I'm in love with my husband. So it scares me.

Muse: Samantha Landry
Fandom: Veronica Mars (Original character)
Word Count: 476
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
18 November 2007 @ 09:02 am
Talk about a moment in which you wished you had a camera.

On the road trip that Logan and I took this summer there was one day where we were in the middle of nowhere somewhere down south I think. I'm still not even sure. I think we'd left New Orleans a few days before but sometimes doing that much driving really just means that it all bleeds together in a way that you can only pick out moments. There are a lot of moments I'll remember and a lot of moments I wrote about in my very own personal journal that Logan is DYING to read and there were even a lot of moments we caught on film. That day though the battery was dead on my digital and we'd ended up sleeping in the car because it was late and we were both too tired to keep driving. I think Logan was scared out of his mind that there would be no one to turn down the bed. Okay, I'm kidding. Anyways. So we wake up and there are cows surrounding the Range Rover. Just surrounding it in a way that doesn't seem natural. We tried everything, starting the car and honking. Logan kept joking about just milling them down but he said he didn't want to damage the car. Of course. In the end I wanted to crawl out the window and try to scare them away but Logan was sure I'd get trampled. His concern for my safety would have been touching if he hadn't been acting like an ass. In the end, my knight in shining armani jeans crawled out his own window and started trying to scare the cows away. Just like screaming at them and smacking them to move. Nothing helped and he looked ridiculous out there among the cows. I wish I'd had my camera ready. In the end they just eventually moved away to graze else where and Logan had cow shit all over his shoes.

Muse: Samantha Landry
Fandom: Veronica Mars (Original Character)
Word Count: 323
 
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
Did I see you in a limousine
Flinging out the fish and the unleavened
Five thousand users fed today
Oh as you feed us
Won't you lead us
To be blessed

So we stole and drank champagne
On the seventh seal you said you never feel pain
"I never feel pain, won't you hit me again?"
"I need a bit of black and blue to be a rotation"

In my blood I felt bubbles burst
There was a flash of fist, an eyebrow burst
You've a lazy laugh and a red white shirt
I fall to the floor fainting at the sight of blood


There was something about him. Despite the disastrous dates and the way he was more fucked up than I was. There was always something brimming under the surface with Logan. I was always waiting for it to burst through the surface. When it finally did, a guy in a bar who was shamelessly hitting on me ended up with a broken nose and two broken ribs. Logan was lucky he hadn't pressed charges.

I bandaged his hand when we got to my place and he apologized slowly and throughly for turning into a jealous raving lunatic for a little while there.

He still brims under the surface. He's this volcano that can't help but erupt when the pressure gets to be too much. I think that might be part of what attracts me to him, what keeps him in my bed when I know it'll hurt more than anything else if this ends. It's part of what makes everything so intense between us. We both have this thing brimming under the surface of our skins. Anger, rage, tension. So many things that seem to boil over and make everything that much more acute.

It's what makes me say yes when he idly asks me to marry him.

God knows that I never opened up enough to tell him how I feel even though I think he knows. It's not as if he's said it either but there's probably something really wrong with us that we're married without ever uttering the four letter word that everybody throws around like water.

Vegas is pretty awesome in the fall though. I swear. There weren't any elvis chapels open but we got married by Captain Kirk. Spock was playing the piano. It was nicer than it sounds. Our rings are tattoo's. I did Logan's but he couldn't do mine so Stevie did it, I know Logan was a bit jealous but I think he got over it.

Marriage is ... interesting

Muse: Samantha Landry
Fandom: Veronica Mars (OC)
Word Count: 327
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
The peddler now speaks to the countess who's pretending to care for him
Sayin', "Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him"
But like Louise always says
"Ya can't look at much, can ya man?"



It’s a raining on the day they bury Hank Landry. Her mother is there in all black. Regina’s wearing this tight red number that would but anybody to shame but it makes Sam feel better to have her there, having her there like that is even better. Sam’s sure Logan’s had an impact on her sense of humor. Surprisingly, or not, Dick Casablancas is there showing his support as well.

Support. Like they owe Hank anything. None of them do. There isn’t a preacher because her father found the whole ritual antiquated and he was never the religious type. Which is something, she wasn’t sure she wanted to add religious hypocrite to her list of things about her father that she hated. It’s not like many preachers or priests want to preside over a suicide’s funeral anyway so it’s just as well.

If this had happened before her road trip, before she took the time to grow on her own (or with Logan – however you wanted to look at that) she’d probably be a mess. There’s just something about getting drunk with the guy you’re falling in love with and sharing stories about absentee and abusive fathers it’s a bit of an enlightening experience.

Logan’s hand curls into hers and her other fist tightens around the handle of the umbrella. She lets out a tight breath and realizes that everyone else has moved back towards the limo’s. It’s just her and Logan standing at the cold earth.

“Sam …” He starts but she knows he has nothing to say. She doesn’t want him to say anything.

“He wasn’t worth any of this,” she said turning away, “Not me or Reggie or Mel. None of us and this pain. He’s not worth any of it!”

“I know,” Logan says lightly pulling on her hand to pull her away.

Sam lets him drag her along and she doesn’t speak again for two days. It’s not mourning or loss that she stays quiet for, it’s some kind of inner peace she’s trying to achieve. Logan finds her on Saturday dancing on the beach behind his new little bungalow. He just watches her. He’s always watching her.

Muse | Samantha Landry
Fandom | Veronica Mars (OC)
Word Count | 363
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
07 September 2007 @ 06:39 pm
What makes someone a hero? What makes someone a villain?

Hero

The hero is the one who sticks around when things get tough. He doesn't run and he doesn't hide, the hero faces things head on and deals with shit when it gets thrown at him. A Hero is the type of person you wouldn't expect to be a hero, he's not the one in the armani suits, driving fast cars. The hero is the guy who's wearing jeans and helping build houses with habitat for humanity. He's the one who smiles when you walk past just because you look like you need a smile of your own that day. A hero is the one who protects himself and others. A hero is the everyday guy that you'd never expect; the one who holds open doors and offers you a reprieve when life goes to hell. The hero is the one who will do anything to make you smile and listen to your music even if he doesn't like it that much.

A Hero just is. He comes in many shapes, sizes, forms. A hero's not always a he.

I am not a hero.

Villain

The villain is the man who stays in the dark, hiding behind lies and deceit. He's the guy who stares and leers. He's the one who inches into your room when you're passed out from the drug he gave you and holds you down when you can barely function enough to fight back. He's the one who gets away with it and smirks at you through the semester like he knows something. He's the one who sends you letters from jail saying he's enjoying talking to your father.

He's the one who leaves his children behind. He's the one who kills a woman he's sleeping with. He's the one who buries it all behind him and hangs himself in his cell.

A villain is the man who never liked being called daddy.

Muse: Samantha Landry
Fandom: Veronica Mars (OC)
Word Count: 317
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up. - James Baldwin


She’s not sure why, after three horrible dates, she wakes up with Logan’s arms around her. His body pressed against hers. She’s not sure why she trusts him enough to have let him in like that. The dates really did suck. She can’t even think about them without cringing. Somehow though, despite that, she got to know him and how hard he was trying to make it not suck amused her.

She hadn’t been touched in a long time, the last time she only barely remembers and before that, well that sucked.

At least there was one thing that she and Logan didn’t suck at, they didn’t suck at sex, at all. She’s still unsure of how it happened or why she didn’t freak out even though he was clearly trying to make sure she was okay the entire time.

She shifts slightly and he moves with her, every time she moves he moves with her like he can’t bare to let her go even in sleep. It takes her about fifteen minutes to remove herself from his grasp without waking him up. When she’s finally free she just grabs his shirt and pulls it on, she pulls a chair up to the bed and he shifts to lay on his stomach and the tattoo that she branded into his skin catches in the light.

She grabs her sketch pad from the table and a piece of charcoal. She starts to draw him, the lines of his body in her bed forming on the page. She has no idea how long she’s sitting there drawing by the sound of his steady breaths. He stirs, reaching for her next to him but finding air. When he opens his eyes and sees her next to the bed his brow furrows, she shows him the sketch and he grins and beckons her back to the bed. She sets the sketch pad and charcoal aside and moves onto the bed.

Sam avoids his pulling grasp and moves to straddle his back.

“Tattoo, inspection, wasn’t that a part of the deal?” She asks lightly.

He just laughs as well his body shaking softly.

Her hands are stained with charcoal and she’s going to have to wash these sheets anyway so she lets her stained hands run over the lines of the tattoo. She remembers when she first drew this, after a therapy session in Miami. She remembers not even thinking when she picked it out for Logan’s skin. She didn’t even know him and she knew this was the person who needed this tattoo. Not that she ever intended for it to become a tattoo, she’d never even shown anyone that sketch.

Logan’s had enough after a few minutes and he moves so she’s on her back and he’s above her.

He laughs lightly at the charcoal stains on her cheek and leans down to kiss her. She’s not sure why it’s so easy with him. He’s not the kind of person she’s ever been with and he might be just about as damaged as she is, maybe more, she thinks sometimes.

“We should just give up on dates and skip to the good part,” He teases lightly.

He’s above her and it’s a little stifling because she feels a little trapped, she’s trying to push past that, he’s not holding her wrists and he’s not pinning her to the bed, he’s just hovering there.

“Funny. You make me sound easy,” She teases back.

He makes a ‘well’ face and she smacks his arm and he laughs. She has no idea how she got here, laughing, in bed with a guy she’s only known a few months.

He finally moves to her side but pulls her against him. “I think I like this,” He says softly and there’s a hint of vulnerability in his voice that surprises her.

“Me too,” she agrees just as softly.

“Why were you drawing me?” He asks suddenly.

She shrugs, “Sometimes you see something beautiful and you have to draw it. It’s like truth. You and the tattoo, it’s full circle.”

He just looks at her, taking that in before he nods and presses his lips to hers softly. She knows he wants to say something but he doesn’t. So she melts against his side and closes her eyes.

Muse: Samantha Landry
Fandom: Veronica Mars (Original Character)
Word Count: 719
 
 
Current Mood: goodgood
 
 
Samantha Elise Landry
Write about a recurring dream you've had. (Or, if you've never had one, write about the most vivid dream you can remember.)

She's ten years old and her parents have the appearance of happiness. Regina trails behind her like a loyal follower as Sam uses her leverage as the older sister to order Reggie around. They play ballerina which is Sam's favorite game but Reggie gets bored of it too quickly and runs off to climb trees or torture cats. Sam doesn't know or care, she just stays there in that spot on the grass dancing until her feet form blisters and her father scoops her up in his arms like maybe he loves her when she's this young and carefree.

Her mother's doing the same to Reggie and they're being tickled in tandem and plopped down on picnic tables because it's time to eat the dinner mom made.

Hank tends to her now blistered feet admonishing her softly for dancing in the grass without shoes. He tells her she's going to make the most beautiful ballerina in the world and then gives her a kiss on the top of her head that makes her believe his words.

Reggie's there by her side then leaning into her big sister because it's getting a little chilly so Mel puts a big blanket their grandmother knit around their shoulders and the huddle together while Hank cooks the hotdogs.

It smells like a nice summer day and the wind blows softly but makes their hair unruly and messy but they're the perfect picture of two little girls that are truly loved.

When she wakes up now she's not alone and it's new, it's only been a day or two since she fell asleep and woke up with a body next to her. Her dream never happened, her father was never that doting even though her mother was and when she turns to face Logan's sleeping form behind her his arm tightens slightly and adjusts to her movement. He doesn't wake up but it really doesn't matter just like her dream doesn't matter - it didn't happen and that's okay.

Her father was just never going to be that man.

She raised her hand to Logan's face and can't really believe she got here in this hotel room with this person who looks at her like she's beautiful. They're going home tomorrow and everything is going to change, she knows, but it'll be okay.

She's going home and some dreams are perfect and life just isn't but you know what? That's okay.

Muse: Samantha Landry
Fandom: Original Veronica Mars
Word Count: 406